Monday, October 19, 2009

A Night at the Cinema

College students are pansies. I'm sorry, but that's the truth. My brother (known here as 'Allen') and I went to see Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho at the local International Cinema. It was my first time watching the whole movie, so I was rather excited. I love watching Hitchcock films; the psychological 'glitches' in the characters are so incredibly engrossing that I think about them for days after.

So there I was, reading a spy novel before the movie, my brother Allen moodily texting Mom ('Mother's not quite herself today') saying that we had gotten seats (it's a free cinema, so it can run out of seats fast if the movie is popular enough). I tried to start a conversation with Allen, but he didn't respond, choosing to glare at the 'lowly college freshmen' that were present (he sometimes forgets that he, setting aside his 'superior mind and political views' is also a college freshman). I gave up on conversation.

At 1917 hours, the movie started. And--inevitably, perhaps--the students talked through the whole opening credits, which slightly bothered me, as the opening credits set the mood for the film (especially this one).

Sure enough, the students talked throughout, and laughed and screamed in all the wrong places. It was somewhat amusing, though.

But not to Allen. Allen acted as though it was a crime to humanity and ranted after the film about the 'immaturity of college students' who 'don't appreciate real cinema'.

I had to stop myself punching him in the shoulder and yelling 'BUCK UP!' After all, we're not all as tolerant as me...scratch that. MANY people are MUCH MORE tolerant than I am.

Special Agent A. Lee

Post Script: Madame President, I was actually referring to the sound-enhancing ones, though the regular ones would be nice to have as well. And don't even THINK I'm letting you anywhere near the exploding ones--things things are FLASH-BANGS. Even though they're small, they're still composed of magnesium and mercury.

You still want to borrow them?

I thought not.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


I have some amazing news to share today. You might have heard about agent Lees problem with using ASL (American Sign Language) to communicate during different situations. Yesterday we made a breakthrough!!! I used a sign, (can't remember what sign at the moment though which is sad) and she knew exactly what it meant!!! It's a miracle I say! A miracle!

I also have a question for my dear beloved agent Lee. Which earrings are you referring to? The sound enhancing ones, the small explosive ones, or just the regular ones?

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Bodyguard Woes

This is Special Agent Lee again.

Have you ever been in one of those situations where the principal (meaning the person you're hired to guard) just refuses to cooperate? When they off into unknown situations and ignore all possible consequences of their actions? This seems to have become a sort of 'game' for my principal (who happens to be the president). She insists that bodyguards should have fun and 'loosen up'. So she runs off into a crowd or something and yells "Catch me if you can!"

With all due respect, Madame President: CUT IT OUT! If you get shot or injured or anything else, it's my rear that's going to get grilled, not yours. And if I get grilled for something like this, I am not letting you off the hook. Chain of Command be screwed. So I suggest you start acting your age...or at least your rank, for the love of all things espionage.

And for crying out loud, stop changing the communications frequency to music radio; there's only so much Kelly Clarkson and All-American Rejects an agent can take. And I need those earrings back.

Special Agent A. Lee
Secret Service

Thursday, October 1, 2009

a word from the prez

Hello one and all. There is not much say about myself. The agent assigned to me at the moment is constantly bugging me about my little tests that I do every now and then. These tests consist of me disappearing into the crowd and hoping that agent Lee is man enough to come and drag me back. Believe me, she is. My ear still hurts from her long fingernails. Also these are not just tests. I get bored at times and the game hide and go seek is one of my favorites. My favorite part is trying to find a interesting hiding spot. Remember that time I hid in that tree right above the head of that one important person... can't remember that guys name right now... anyways...

I have only one thing to say about her comment about acting my age. I just have to point out that I am the elder of the team. I am also a thespian so that means I can "act" any age I choose to be at any moment and at any time. This helps me with the whole sneaky business that is required when you somewhat... *cough*... rule the world.

One more thing... I can't help myself if I like Kelly Clarkson and All-American Rejects. They have cool music. How about My Chemical Romance, We Shot the Moon, or that one guy that sings the song called Grace Kelly where he goes into falsetto?