Now I'M In Hiding

A few weeks ago, I got back from ------, and was surprised (and terrified) to learn that Madam President was BORED and overworked. Mostly BORED. This has forced me to go into unofficial hiding so I'm not mauled to death for "ignoring" her. Oh boy...this summer is going to be crazy. S.S Agent Lee

Hi

Soooo....I haven't posted anything about my whereabouts for a while now. Well, I don't actually say where I am because that would cause a mass hysteria where I am forced to relocate, not that that has ever happened.... The past couple of months have been filled with tons of paper work, mostly busy work. I felt like I was a mass murderer because of all of the paper that was coming out of my printer.
But this summer I will be back up to my old self, and that means getting back in contact with my old body guard Agent Lee who, for the life of me, has not contacted me once since arriving back in the [name has been removed for security reasons].
So she better watch her back because I am going to hunt her down.
Because it is summer, and I can because I am Madame President.
I am also bored, so who knows what I will do to find her and what I will do WHEN I do....
;)

Never Again

I was very excited to take on my new assignment; it did, after all, include a training camp in Guatemala, followed by a two week wilderness survival drill in rural Chile.

It was a recipe for success which morphed into utter disaster.

In Guatemala, I was the only female agent in the program at the time, meaning I bunked with a bunch of morons who thought it was cool to waste training ammo by shooting as squirrels and (I kid you not) clouds. Needless to say, I was less than impressed.

In Chile, it rained the whole two weeks and it was nearly impossible to get anything done with those stupid tremors (every shelter I built was demolished). After a particularly nasty tremor, a tree fell on my leg. I am currently out of commission (although I did finish the exercise).

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm excited to go back to my old job. Being Madam President's bodyguard is certainly challenging, but at least things get done. And she's not that bad to be around.

I'll be back in commission next week, starting back up at the White House. What a relief!

S.S.A Lee

Greetings

Why hello everyone.

I bet you thought I had left the planet. Which, I probably did, but that is all secret hush-hush so don't ask me for details until after Dec. 2012. So much has happened since that short post I made around the beginning of this year, or was it last year.

Anyway, Greece was fun, well it was technically all of Europe. That was where I spent my vacation time when I was not (or was I?) in space. I even paid a visit to Stonehenge before I came back home, to make sure there was no lingering traces of a certain box that had been hidden there.

No worries. It's gone. Maybe that's why I was in space. Who knows?

I am sad to say that Agent Lee was right. She has been assigned to another top secret agenda right now, so we have not seen each other for a while. But you would be glad to know that I do drop her goodies every now and then. Even while she's out on assignment. It was really fun to dangle from a helicopter so that I could drop a box of chocolate chip cookies down into a hidden stone chimney that led down to a secret hide-out.

Just to be technical, my "wave pool" that Agent Lee referred to in an earlier post is non-existent. That money is being put to better use. A use that I cannot say until after Dec. 2012 or was is 2011? I don't remember and my contact with whom I talk to about this future event is currently out of reach and I don't have a good long-distance plan for a call to actually go through. 

Even if I did get a call through all I would hear about is stetsons instead of fezzes, bow-ties, and be prepared to run.

New Beginnings

Well, I have new duties. I'm being reassigned to a new program, and I won't see Madam President as much anymore. I have to say, I am rather depressed at the thought (strangely enough). But the blog will survive! Madam President is also starting in a new program. She'll still have her presidential duties, of course, but she's taking specialized classes part-time. Please continue to support the both of us!
S.A. Annabel Lee
U.S.S.S

Madam President is a Git

Ha! See, Madam President?! That's what happens when you don't post and you cut my paychecks for your stupid wavepools! So HA!!!

Finally, A Computer!

This is Agent Lee--
I apologize profusely for the lack of correspondence on my part; my computer died back in November (possibly October) and I was just able to get a new one this month. At last, internet!

Not much has been happening. I've been taking place in United Nations talks (on behalf of Madame President). They went well--except for the fact that my good friend and UN partner Robert decided that caucus was a good time to start a Gin Rummy tournament...and the Sprite in a paper bag...and the tic-tac-toe with China...but other than that, it was fairly successful.

Madame President has been busy--she is currently in Greece on a conference. I'm stuck here; but if she goes missing again, I will throw a holy fit and storm the embassies and arcades of Greece.

Don't think I'm joking, Madame President--you know I'm not!

Secret Agent Annabel Lee

:P

I will ignore your comment about my lovely red tutu. It was my newest clothing accessory for month of November. And about that script....I didn't need one. No lines. But there is no bitterness here. No sir-ree!

Anyways, enough about me....wait....this post is my post. Which means I can talk about myself as much as I feel like.
Hmm....Let's see....what can I talk about that would get on my dear p.b.g (person body guard)?
AH! I remember a time when we were eating dinner. She subway, me panda express. Yum. Anyways, you all know how they always give you a fortune cookie with your meal? Well, I got one that I saved for later. Well, later came soon, because as we were walking around town, Agent Lee was acting all paranoid and such. So I opened my fortune cookie because I was starting to get hungry again. And guess what it said!!!!
"Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted."
I laughed so hard that I almost peed my pants. So I tell my dear agent Lee.....Please don't be overly suspicious about that box of chocolate chip cookies that I left on your desk....I didn't forget anything this time....well....I might have mixed up the salt and the sugar again....the Secretary of defense said that they tasted good....but I did catch him tossing the box that I gave him in the trash as I left his office.
Anyways, this is my post. Lovely isn't it??? I finally got around to it, even when I was very busy.
Yes, Agent Lee, I do count avoiding my responsibilities as what keeps me busy the most. It is at the top of my to-do list everyday.
Good day....good night....good bye....
I'll get back to my public sometime or later.

Curse You, Madame President!

Dear Madame President,
It has been MONTHS since you posted anything. The deal was that we would take turns posting, yes, but when you don't post for FOUR MONTHS, it tends to tick off the second party involved in the agreement.

Madame President: POST THIS WEEK. OR I WILL SHOOT YOU. IN THE HAND. So drop the tutu and the script and start typing.

I mean it! I'm so bored here!

Secret Agent A. Lee
American Secret Service
Bodyguard of a Moron

Hi...(nothing to say, really)

Hello everyone. I'm sorry, but I have nothing to write. I am completely drained. So, as you might have heard, Madame Stupid ditched her "temporary replacement" bodyguard to hang out at the arcade. Can you believe it?! I mean, here I am with my first week off since the Calcium Debacle of '09 (stupid congressmen's aids and their stupid gallons of milk) and Madame President goes and screws it up.

Oh well. I found a new outlet to unwind: deserts. I made some parfaits last night (with mint and raspberries from MY garden) and they turned out pretty cuss good.

Anyway, I'm thinking of making Madame President come with me to the shooting range.

And not giving her earplugs.

I have a feeling that'll make me feel MUCH better.

Secret Agent A. Lee
Personal Presidential Bodyguard
United States Secret Service

Hi Everyone

he...he...
Hi everyone. Sorry about that last post. Hope you didn't think I got assassinated or anything bad like that. I got distracted and hit the post button too soon and haven't gotten back to this till now.
In my defense I was totally winning that pac man game when agent Lee came storming into that arcade. She didn't have to wreck it like she did. Anyways while I was occupied with computer stuff I found a couple of videos ya'll might like.

Video Number One


Video Number Two


Have fun laughing my wonderful subjects, I mean public.

Are You Kidding Me?!

THE ARCADE?!

SHE WAS IN THE ARCADE?!

Soooooo Not Funny

Madame President, I know EXACTLY what is going on. You are deliberately hiding so I would come back from Taiwan, aren't you. (That is a STATEMENT, not a question.) I know that Agent Daws isn't...quite up to snuff, but he was the only replacement I could find on such short notice (God only knows what would have happened if I had brought YOU to Taiwan with me).

So quit it and...get back here...now.

...Now.

Madame President, this really isn't funny.

SHH...I'm Hiding

Hello everyone of the planet earth. I am typing to one and all from my secret computer in the basement of the big house. I have skulked...(hehe...i love the word skulk....i try to use it on a daily basis. anyways)... out of one of the many meetings I have on a daily basis and hide in the basement where I am in my pj's, eating ice cream and cookies, and watching the latest movies. Such as Star Wars, Sherlock Holmes, and other fun stuff!!! Yay!
You might be wondering how I managed to skulk away without detection. It is because I have a substitute body guard. (who, in my opinion, isn't really good at his job. I wonder how he became a special agent in the first place... the mysteries that haunt my mind.) You are wondering what happened to my beloved body guard that you have grown to love Agent Lee is. Taiwan's what happened. She got called away for a special training thingy and didn't think of taking me. How unthoughtful of her.
Okay everyone....I have a special surprise for you all....Hold your breath in anticipation!!!! Okay... I'm going-------------

WHY

Sometimes, I start to regret going into protection.

But then I take a nice relaxing trip to the shooting range and it recedes a bit.

Last week, however, there was a bit of a complication. After Madame President blew up her secondary office (there is no way they actually let her use the Oval Office) with the exploding earrings of mine that she NEVER GAVE BACK TO ME, she was forced to tag along to my office, which is a glorified garage with a couch.

It was the couch that started it all.

See, Madame President has this thing for couches. They have to be really comfortable, really big, and/or really bounce. Mine was none of the above. And as such, Madame President just HAD to make it her new personal quest to make my couch 'better'.

Let me say this right now: I like my couch. It is uncomfortable and smells like squirrels and decaf, yes, but it is my couch. So I told her NO. This, however, did not seem to deter her from rummaging around my 'terrorist drawer' (as SHE calls it, not me) for some metal parts to 'alter' my couch.

I tried to ignore her as I cleaned my Browning Automatic, but when she came up with wire cutters, a six-inch screw, a socket-wrench, and a screwdriver, I figured I should probably intervene.

"Madame President, what are you doing?" I inquired.

"Improving your living conditions," she replied, putting on a welding helmet and firing up a drill.

In the next three seconds, she proceeded to trip and fall onto a wheeled back-board, roll three feet and turn on my blowtorch, which then lit my couch on fire. MY couch. MINE. ON FIRE.

Ten seconds after that, the couch was covered in chemical fire-suppressant foam, the blowtorch was off, and Madame President was stuck head-first in a metal oil drum.

See, this is why I don't let her come to my apartment; there would be nothing left. God only knows how she became the president in the first place.

So, to work off my frustration, I took a nice trip to the shooting range.

Guess what building was closed for 'remodeling' due to a 'suspicious' explosion...

The shooting range.

Something/one is going to die, and at this point I don't care if it's a terrorist or a tetherball. I'm getting out my P-90.

My Post

Well, as Agent Lee stated below I was supposed to post months ago. But in my defense I've had too much to do, and I had Post on Blog written on a post-it note that was stuck to the back of my computer. Don't ask me how it got there, because I have no clue.
But Agent Lee has given me an idea!!! I will put down my own list of what I would like to do in the future. Goodie! *rubbing hands together in excitement* Let's begin....
1. Take over the word








(Wait a minute....I've already have done that....whoops. Oh well.)

2. Finish taking over China so that may be able to knock the earth out of orbit...
(i'll have to explain this one later.)








3. Take the world's leaders and my writing teacher out fly fishing.







4. Have a shinny robo suit like Iron Man. (With that, who needs secret service?)











5. Have secret Bases in every state that I could access with underground freeways.










6. Have a World wide PJ day.









7. Change the standard president dress to something along the lines of Matrix










8. Follow Agent Lee to one of her survival training trips and bring lots of chocolate chip cookies, matches, radio, and not share.








9. Travel by horse back from the tip of the rocky mountains in Canada to the bottom in Southern Utah/Arizona/Colorado/New Mexico.









10. Have Agent Lee fluent in ASL so that we can actually communicate during secret missions and be able to tell jokes to each other across the room during top secret meetings.










Madam President

Fun Stuff

Hello all. Madame President was SUPPOSED to update a few MONTHS ago, but she didn't. So I will, I guess.

Have you ever thought about what would be the coolest thing to do? EVER? I have. I've compiled a list here:

1. Go head to head against Jason Bourne.

2. Remove someone's appendix in an emergency surgery.

3. Skydive into rural Indonesia for six-day survival training.

4. Shoot a crossbow.

5. Drive a Bugatti Veyron

6. Ride a motorcycle on North Yungas Road


7. Hike through Aokigahara for survival training.

8. Spend a month in Malaysia surviving in the rainforest.

9. Re-enact a museum high-security robbery.

10. Fly a NASA X-43A.

Ah, the beauty of it all (even though most people say that I'm nuts).

Secret Agent Annabel Lee
United States Secret Service

A Night at the Cinema

College students are pansies. I'm sorry, but that's the truth. My brother (known here as 'Allen') and I went to see Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho at the local International Cinema. It was my first time watching the whole movie, so I was rather excited. I love watching Hitchcock films; the psychological 'glitches' in the characters are so incredibly engrossing that I think about them for days after.

So there I was, reading a spy novel before the movie, my brother Allen moodily texting Mom ('Mother's not quite herself today') saying that we had gotten seats (it's a free cinema, so it can run out of seats fast if the movie is popular enough). I tried to start a conversation with Allen, but he didn't respond, choosing to glare at the 'lowly college freshmen' that were present (he sometimes forgets that he, setting aside his 'superior mind and political views' is also a college freshman). I gave up on conversation.

At 1917 hours, the movie started. And--inevitably, perhaps--the students talked through the whole opening credits, which slightly bothered me, as the opening credits set the mood for the film (especially this one).

Sure enough, the students talked throughout, and laughed and screamed in all the wrong places. It was somewhat amusing, though.

But not to Allen. Allen acted as though it was a crime to humanity and ranted after the film about the 'immaturity of college students' who 'don't appreciate real cinema'.

I had to stop myself punching him in the shoulder and yelling 'BUCK UP!' After all, we're not all as tolerant as me...scratch that. MANY people are MUCH MORE tolerant than I am.

Special Agent A. Lee

Post Script: Madame President, I was actually referring to the sound-enhancing ones, though the regular ones would be nice to have as well. And don't even THINK I'm letting you anywhere near the exploding ones--things things are FLASH-BANGS. Even though they're small, they're still composed of magnesium and mercury.

You still want to borrow them?

I thought not.

report

I have some amazing news to share today. You might have heard about agent Lees problem with using ASL (American Sign Language) to communicate during different situations. Yesterday we made a breakthrough!!! I used a sign, (can't remember what sign at the moment though which is sad) and she knew exactly what it meant!!! It's a miracle I say! A miracle!

I also have a question for my dear beloved agent Lee. Which earrings are you referring to? The sound enhancing ones, the small explosive ones, or just the regular ones?

Bodyguard Woes

This is Special Agent Lee again.

Have you ever been in one of those situations where the principal (meaning the person you're hired to guard) just refuses to cooperate? When they just...run off into unknown situations and ignore all possible consequences of their actions? This seems to have become a sort of 'game' for my principal (who happens to be the president). She insists that bodyguards should have fun and 'loosen up'. So she runs off into a crowd or something and yells "Catch me if you can!"

With all due respect, Madame President: CUT IT OUT! If you get shot or injured or anything else, it's my rear that's going to get grilled, not yours. And if I get grilled for something like this, I am not letting you off the hook. Chain of Command be screwed. So I suggest you start acting your age...or at least your rank, for the love of all things espionage.

And for crying out loud, stop changing the communications frequency to music radio; there's only so much Kelly Clarkson and All-American Rejects an agent can take. And I need those earrings back.

Special Agent A. Lee
Secret Service